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Custom Essay Writing The Unemployed Professors Way

Just because you can pay some Third World schlub $5 on Fiverr doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. Maybe you're not too familiar with the bespoke writing industry. Here are some of our competitors’ dirty tricks that you should know about before choosing a writer.

The competition?

Our competitors plagiarize. They’ll tell you they don’t, but they will, and you’ll be left holding the bag.
Our competitors will hire anyone with a pulse (and probably even a few dead people). Forget about educational credentials. We might have a few pen names here that pay homage to some of our favorite dead white guys, and we might be a little dead inside, but behind each and every witty pen name is a brilliant and highly accomplished academic. It’s not our fault the academic system churns out far more grads than there are jobs, but it’s our competitors’ choice to eschew standards.
Our competitors’ grasp of English is shaky at best. In order to write, you need to know your audience. Even if you can read a language, that’s very different from writing effectively and authentically – or understanding the cultural context.
Our competitors do some other unspeakably shady shit. Horror stories of blackmail, holding documents hostage, or worse abound. It’s sad that we need to say this, but we … don’t do those things. When you use Unemployed Professors, you don’t just get your document. You get our complete discretion and cutting-edge security features.

You know what the competition is really doing
when they take your hard-earned beer money?

They're telling you that you're getting a bunch of supposed extras that are not actually extras in any sense of the word. Ask our cunning linguist - I dare you! Is a bibliography really an extra? If you don't have one, we can assure you that any Professor, employed or not, would call the paper plagiarized - that's just common sense.

You know what else our competition does?

They pretty much let anyone with a keyboard and half a brain write for them. You know what this means? While a few solid writers might be writing essays for them, most of their employees are students like you (who are in fact writing these papers so that they can buy some sweet grass) or hacks from developing countries whose command of the English language is often less potent than their command of recipes for Samosas and Tandoori Chicken! Yes, we went there. The truth is that a lot of the paper writing done in this business is outsourced to India. Thomas Friedman says that the "World is Flat" so there must be nothing wrong with this, right?


Some of our Indian brothers and sisters are very well qualified to write papers; some even probably went to good schools. There is, however, what we may in academic jargon, refer to as cultural competence. It's the ability to grasp what Rummy once called the "Unknown Unknowns" of paper-writing - those things that no one mentions but that we all unknowingly carry in our collective zeitgeist. Thus, aside from the fact that these outsourced writers might not have any knowledge whatsoever of the area they're writing in, they will often not get the subtle cultural differences associated with writing a paper at a College or University here.

That's the Unemployed Professors difference

We only hire competent writers with graduate degrees and real academic experience; we don't fill you with false promises regarding extras that should be included (like the lettuce on your burger (veggie or meat)); and we sure as heck are as honest as Abe. We're in this for the money; you're in this for the grades. We'll get you those grades in exchange for your money. We want to keep you as a customer. Because of that, we're not going to bullshit you.

In our ten years in business, we’ve seen it all, and written it all. We've dealt with haters and imitators. We've weathered change in the world and in the business, and we’ve stayed standing while others have fallen.