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Essay Writing Services By Unemployed Professors

Essay Writing Services

When we say that we’re the greatest custom essay writers of all time, we’re not just quoting our own moms. We’ve been writing essays for over a decade, putting words into people’s mouths, and keyboards. Want to know more? You’re in the right place.

Unemployed Professors began in 2011 as an experiment offering a new, boutique take on custom-written essays. What we offered was a winning combination of the world’s best, most educated writers and a sense of humor (something sorely lacking among the competition). We know a thing or two about writing essays, and we don't just write them – we can teach you about them, too. That’s why we’re here to spout some cold, hard wisdom in your general direction.

Unlike many of our competitors, all of the professors who write our essays have had their credentials verified. While most custom essay sites out there simply post ads on Craigslist to hire writers, we have historically worked through a referral system in which our professors have referred new hires to us. Subsequently, and so as to preserve the integrity of the custom essays we produce, we’ve always made sure to verify their credentials independently. While they remain anonymous, as do you, throughout the entirety of the custom essay writing process, we guarantee that all of our professors have graduate degrees (90% PhDs), and that they have all independently taught courses at the university level.

Unemployed Professors recognizes that, when you are commissioning a custom essay, you might have a certain vision for the project. Because of this, our online discussion boards, open 24/7 and monitored around the clock, allow for rapid communication with your chosen professor. As such, and in cases where you need an extensive space to provide your professor with additional documentation or information regarding your custom essay, we’ve designed a system that makes it easy for you to anonymously communicate with the individual writing your customized essay.

Unemployed Professors has always differentiated itself in the industry in several key ways: We only hire verified and credentialed academics with teaching experience, we function as a customer-centered company, and we have a sense of humor. We are the best in the business at writing unique essays, along with every other form of writing, and we get results. We’ve written hundreds of thousands of essays over the years.


what is an essay

What is an Essay?

Here’s a fun and surprisingly relevant fact: The history of the essay begins with the moldy dead French guy, Michel de Montaigne (1533-1592). He coined the term for a collection of texts he was writing in which he was trying to make various arguments. In Renaissance French, “essayer” meant, approximately, “to try.” Got that? An essay is a piece of writing in which you try to prove a point. It might be formal, like an essay arguing against the death penalty, or it could be more informal, like a personal story (However, legend has it that if you use the word “I” twice in an essay, the ghost of an 87-year-old untenured composition professor will appear in your computer screen and corrupt the file).

An essay has a thesis or argument, which is usually stated in the first paragraph, but sometimes the thesis is implicit – especially in more personal essays. An essay has no specific prescription for minimum or maximum size, but 750 to 5,000 words is a good ballpark range. An essay usually begins with an introduction, makes about 3 major points, and concludes not by restating the introduction, but ideally by taking it further and making the reader think about the implications of the argument. An essay’s structure supports the argument. If it’s for school, an essay is usually written about an hour prior to the deadline and contains more than the recommended daily value of cliched phrases like “in conclusion.” ;-)

what isn't an essay

What ISN’T an essay?

It might be easier to say what an essay is not than to say what it is. An essay is not fiction, even though many stories follow a five-act or five-scene structure that is similar to the quintessential five-paragraph essay. An essay is not a report or article that simply states facts. An essay is not a scientific article reporting on the results of a study or experiment, though many essays comment on these types of writing. An essay is not a book, or a poem, or a screenplay. An essay is not an argument that ends with an ultimate yes-or-no, binary claim. An essay is not a structureless, stream-of-conscious ramble, though since we are formerly employed professors, we’ve read more of those than we can count.

An essay is also not a prescription. Just about every essay rule or commandment can be, and has been, broken by professional writers. However, just like the stunts you see in movies and TV, don’t try those tricks at home. For most of the students who write them, an essay is a dismal, miserable experience following a rigidly-defined set of minute, trivial rules, and most of these students learn about essays through a painful, slow process consisting of little more than worksheets or checklists that tie them to an extremely narrow set of options for style, content, formatting, and so on. The result is something the student never wants to look at again and worse, something that does not really teach anything. It’s no wonder that so many people ask how to write an essay, even after they’ve completed composition courses: The essay as we experience it in school is not the essay as it exists in the “wild.”

How do I write an essay?

You don't have to begin at the beginning when you write an essay. It’s not very hard to cut and paste. Just start writing and worry about revisions later. Brainstorm all your ideas in a way you find easy, whether that’s writing them down or even making a voice recording. Then look at what you brainstormed and think about what you want to argue. Remember, not all arguments offer a yes or no verdict. Think about what you want people to do, or feel, or know after reading the essay. Imagine that you are a lawyer arguing a case, and think about how each piece of evidence or statement will impact the jury (aka, the reader). Make sure you are presenting the evidence in a logical way, introducing key information early and allowing your argument to unfold.

What can an essay do?

Essays fundamentally make arguments, sure, and they can do the same things that any other piece of media can. That means they can provoke emotions. But essays can do a lot more than just share facts, persuade, or even change hearts and minds.

Despite what your humorless English 101 professor says, there are a lot of variations within the form of the essay. In real life, as in, real writing, essays can be personal, or explore style. They can be creative. They can serve as important documents, meaning that they can be part of history. A well-written essay on your business’s website or even your LinkedIn can boost traffic and credibility in addition to sharing an argument or information.

To find out more about what an essay can do for you and what we can do for your essay, check out our services page. For an in-depth look at academic essay writing, check out Paper Hacking 101 by our very own Deleuzienne!