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Writing Services By Unemployed Professors

We provide the best student writing services in the industry, bar none. You’ve come to the right place for the very best quality bespoke tutoring and solutions.

Our services

Essay Writing

This is our bread and butter, except it’s more like truffle croissants. Whether you’re annoyed by Aristotle, confused by communications, or lost in linguistics, we can help. We pride ourselves on blinding others with our brilliance, not baffling people with our bullshit. We’ve written about literally every topic or course there is. We know for a fact there are still things to write about Shakespeare, and we’re living proof. Try us. You won’t be disappointed.


Research Papers

Research and writing go together like cake and ice cream, pizza and beer. So it’s no secret that on top of being exceptional writers, we’re award-winning researchers. We’ve got all of Dewey’s decimals. We think about citation styles the way other people think about horoscopes. Whether you rely on newspaper articles, peer-reviewed journal articles, those old-timey relics known as books, or statistical analysis, we will exceed your expectations.


Online courses

Hasn’t school been just wonderful since COVID? Same annoying classmates, same boring textbooks and professors, same extortionate tuition, but now everything is on Zoom. Same textbook monopolies and infuriating Pearson bugs. We feel your pain, and we’re here to help by taking crap like forum responses, quizzes, and homework off your plate. We’ve helped students with everything from making flash cards and study guides to taking the entire course. Tell us what’s troubling you and how you’d like us to help, and we’ll place our bids.


Admissions Essays

Ah yes, admissions essays. Where you need to come up with the secret, magic words to let the gatekeepers open their hearts and institutions to you. In other words, all you have to do to make your dreams come true is impress a group of faceless nerds by telling them everything important about yourself in only a few hundred words. What could be easier? Having us do it, of course. Send us your drafts (or not) and we’ll polish them into diamonds. Whether you’re thinking about college admissions, scholarship applications, study abroad, internships, or grad school, we’re standing by and sharpening our pencils.


Copy Writing

Whether you want fluent web copy, sparkling blog content to convert, or effective sales funnels, we’ve got it. We’ll work with you to strike the right tone and develop content that works to meet your goals. After ten years in the business, we know a thing or two about search engine optimization. We’ve worked on projects as diverse as new apps, Etsy / eBay storefronts, event descriptions, and product listings. We see copy writing as a critical component of branding, and our decade of experience in ghostwriting has made us the undisputed global experts in writing to match others’ styles. And even though we like to have fun as part of our own personal brand, please rest assured that we can also write professionally.


Resumes Cover Letters

We’ve helped a wide variety of folks with resumes since 2011, people from every walk of life and in every stage of life: From high schoolers looking for part-time gigs to new graduates to mid-career professionals to career changers to parents going back to work after we helped their kids with school. And more. We’ve helped people in a vast array of industries and professions with their resumes and cover letters, from IT pros to teachers to nurses to business administrators to public servants to creatives. We can help you find ways to reframe your experiences and qualifications in ways that help you shine in a hyper-competitive job market. We want to help you tell your professional story. Give us a try and post your project now!


Writing is our bread and butter, except it’s more like truffle croissants. Whether you’re annoyed by Aristotle, confused by communications, or lost in linguistics, we can help!